Facebook as Memorial Cementry - 37 greetings at her Wall

A self portrait?

There were 37 greetings at her Facebook wall. A girl that is no longer with us. I wonder if all these people would have remembered her birthday without that notification. But they were there – sending her some thoughts, crying, still wondering what happened. That is all that counts.

We all got strength in mourning "together" for those minutes. But we all were also completely alone. I spoke to no one about my thoughts that day. I cried alone at late afternoon at work. I cried in the car on my way home. I cried in bed. I cried a few minutes ago when I checked that wall. I am crying now.

I have had a few great weeks. I felt how life came back. I felt strong again – like I could take charge over my life again. But I am weak again today. Despite first night full of sleep for months – I feel weak.

Mourning is a process but it do not repeat exact the same way. I came to think about iterative and incremental system development. Mourning is probably incremental in the long run. But first it is iterative.- you run in the windmill tearing down and building up again and again. Then a few months later it becomes incremental. You get stronger for each round. A better human being if you learn something while mourning.


I am wondering what I have learnt. Will I become a better person? Will this change my life in some good way?

Most of all I think about what I shall do with the rest of my life.
While not working, training, dancing salsa or crying.
There is so much in my head

About Facebook again....
We haven´t managed ourself to bring it down yet since there are things that the family wants to save - all her own status line updates that is hidden now for example. She was a very wise girl and wrote so well. One more attempt to get in charge over recovery mail address will be done before we ask Facebook to shoot it down.

And for the moment I am happy it still is there. It is like a "minneslund" (approximately Memorial cementry grove). A place where we all can go and remember her - looking at some of her pictures and "meet" others doing the same. I think this is great since otherwise I would have been all alone.

And for those who hesitate....
You do still have birthday even if you are dead. You was once given birth - that can never be undone. So you have birthday.