Another "imagined" syncronosity effect hitting me - grief

Text written 19 May but I decided not to publish then.

Grief is below the surface. Much closer than you think.

I had a happy morning, sunshine, nice plans for the day and the evening. I was happy for having reconnected to an old business contact I hadn´t seen for 10 years. That typical high energy business management consultant that you always have fun with. That type who trained as much as me by that time - perhaps even more - and who loved discussing gym, biking and swimming. That type you could joke about 40-age-crisis when he was telling me he had started up training for Triathlon. That type you always got stuck with in the corridor whenever we happened to meet which wasn´t very often since we had contracts at different sides of town. That type of contact that always made me feel good the short meetings we had.

I smiled sitting there at the bus watching the landscape and the harbour in morning sunshine. I decided to see if he could be found on Twitter. I did a quick search and first post was linkedIn which was already read. Then I saw the second one and I started to sob hysterical even before opening the link. I didn´t manage to read...I tried...but I couldn´t. Not at the bus.


I sobbed for 15 minutes and had not a single handkerchief. Not anything...not even a piece of paper.

I tried to control myself.
I tried to think about work and the meeting I was going to have 30 minutes later.
I tried to "hug" myself and accept the feelings
but I still cried.

I said to myself “it is only natural. It is twelve days to the exam and she is not here any more. You may cry but perhaps not here and now”.

I remembered that picture at the examination day when they both were 15. It looked just like a student exam picture. Pretty dresses and lots of flowers around their necks. Just the caps were missing.

When finally arriving at work I told my colleague we had to postpone that meeting about thirty minutes. I slipped into the toilet for ten minutes and then I had some coffee. I went to one of my best friends room and shared the experience I had this morning.


So what was did I find at the web?
That old colleague & business contact is giving classes in how to handle grief. I wonder so what might have happened to him. Another tragedy in life I presume. Or just another imagined syncronosity happening in my life...but last years it has happened too often.

If I ever meet that business contact I will not tell him about this experience. I want a blank card.between us. If he wants to tell his story ....he will. Perhaps I join him with mine. That is if I can without sobbing hysterical and I doubt I can. Not for very long at least. I can briefly touch about M.L - but not a deep conversation. This is still too painful.
 

More about syncronosity  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synchronicity